small group

Or we could say lack of.

I want a small group. I have never really had a small group since being in college.

I want a group of girls that I trust to share my heart with.

So, if you know of one, hit ya girl up.

On another note, I have talk Monday at young life, so say a prayer.

-C

these are a few of my favorite things..

My new MacBook Pro

Tanning. 

Pedicures with Grammy. 

This new candle. 

This scarf. 

And those are some of the things I am LOVING right now. 

grace.

Today, I am thankful for God's grace. I continually mess up. I never feel like I am good enough. I am lacking in so many ways.

I'm not pretty enough.
I need to lose weight. 
I'm not smart enough. 
I don't have the most young life girls. 
I don't fit in like others do. 
I'm not good enough. 

I could go on and on about all the ways I fall short.

Though I see all my faults, God doesn't. God sees his wounded, hurt, fragile child. He is my father. He fights for me. He desires my attention and my love.

"Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."..."
 -2nd Corinthians 12:8


"God's grace exists to point people to a love like no other love they have ever known."

So thankful for a Father who loves unconditionally.

called.

Never in my life have I felt more called to young life than these past few months. I have gotten more frustrated at my girls than ever before. Thinking about some of them brings me to tears. I honestly couldn't imagine my life without being a leader and hanging out with these girls. 

One of the hardest things about the ministry to me is willing taking a backseat. Texting a girl about plans and instead of making plans having the response be "I'll have to see what I have going on." I LOVE being a kinda person who can just pick up and do something with a friend, but when it comes to Young Life, that means going to Sparta most of the time, which isn't so easy. 

So I like to have plans. But they like to see what everyone else is doing first. Totally understandable. But so frustrating. After having this happen, I came across this: 

"The fundamental building blocks of the kingdom are relationships. Not programs, systems, or productivity. But inconvenient, time-consuming, intrusive relationships. The kingdom is built on personal involvements that disrupt schedules and drain energy."

WOW. So great. I love how God always knows what I need to hear. 

young life

Young Life is a ministry that goes into high schools and befriends kids in order to show them the love of Jesus. I've been a young life leader for 2 years now. It's been a hard, trying two years. This time last year I couldn't wait for my two year mark to come so that I could be done. 

Now that it has come, I don't want to do anything except love those girls. 

My first campaigners of the semester was today, and it has left so much on my heart. Just the things they said, and the questions they answered as part of the lesson show just how much they want to be loved.  

I would love to say they need me, but they don't. They need Jesus. I am the one who has the privilege to hang out with them, but Jesus could reach them without me. 

So blessed to be able to serve on a team at White County High School with sweet friends who love the Lord and want to share that love with high school friends. 

enough.

 "The greatest news of all is that God is with His people, that He is truly present. What greater ministry then, can be practiced than a ministry that reflects this divine presence?"  -Gracias! by Henri J.M. Nouwen

 

One of the things I have discovered about my self is that I am a performer to no end. I am a people pleaser and constantly feel like I have to perform: to be the best at everything. When I place too much upon myself, I fail. When I start listening to the voices telling me to perform, I stop listening to God. 

At that point, whatever happens isn't bringing glory to God. 

Let me explain how my brain works. 

Let's start out with what I call abiding. I will feel great about where I am in my walk with the Lord. I will feel good about my friendships with high school girls and where He is leading those relationships. Then, I will go a day or two without having time with God. I'll see something on facebook, or hear a comment said by a friend, and all of a sudden, my performance nature will kick in. I get the feeling like I'm not good enough. 

I feel like I am not good enough as I am. Not good enough for God to use me in the lives of high school girls. Not good enough to be wanted in my group of friends. I feel like a disappointment to those around me. I feel a need to change. 

Then I start doing things of myself, and not of the Lord. Whereas when I am abiding in what He wants for me, I do things as He leads. 

Pray for me friends, as I need to always remember that as a child of God, I am enough to do as he calls.