reckless abandon

I have been playing this phrase over and over in my head for the past few days after hearing it on a TV show. What does it mean? The actual definition for reckless abandon is "without care or regard for consequences." 

wow. 

Imagine what we could accomplish if we loved without care or regard for consequences. If we let go of our insecurities and the things that keep us from loving each other the way God loves us, how incredible would our relationships with others be?

Did someone or something just come to mind? This sure brought a lot to my mind.  

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,  looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12: 1-2

The Lord calls us to love others with reckless abandon. To not be afraid of the consequences. To not be afraid of what happens if we aren't loved back. To go into a high school of students knowing we may be ignored. To be bold with our friends. To call them out-lovingly- when he leads. 

But the truth is, we don't always follow his leading. We are fearful. Fearful of consequences. Fearful of putting ourselves out there with no security blanket. 

Friends, live with reckless abandon for the Lord. This is a challenge I give to myself, and to those of you who may be reading this. Don't be afraid of consequences. Fear is not from the Lord. Be confident in His direction, and run willingly where he leads. 

Lately, I've really been struggling in one area: faith. As hard as it is to admit to others, I think its even harder to admit to myself. As a Christian there are such high standards for living set forth by others as well as those I put upon myself. Having questions and doubts and fears has such a taboo attached to it that sometimes I'm afraid to admit it. 

What does scripture mean to me?

Where does it fit into my life... and the dreaded questions that many of us have asked at one point...

How do we know this is true?

I think this is where faith comes in. Trusting and believing that what the Lord says is good and true. 

It is HARD. Why should I lie?

Sometimes I question everything. And until very recently, I've tried not to acknowledge it. Because acknowledging that it exists makes it real. And in the effort to look like I have it all together, I don't want to add another struggle to that list. 

In particular, growing up in the church made it hard to ever question it. Though I KNOW without a doubt that a DID have a choice, growing up it did not seem that way. I went to church and I was a Christian. It was an effort to look put-together. 

Though I have been presented with some answers to my questions, I am still struggling to find that comfortable place. And then while reading about doubts, I find this article:

 http://www.patheos.com/blogs/peterenns/2011/10/why-it%E2%80%99s-good-to-doubt-god/

There were a couple things that really stood out to me:

1. Doubting is growing? WUT? No, not what I've always heard. 

"Doubt forces us to look at who we think God is."    

That it does. And in that, I would definitely say my understanding of who God is has grown. 

and my favorite:

2. God wants us to die to ourselves. 

 38"And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39"He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.

 

This truth of the word is so reassuring. In losing my comfort of trusting what I have always known, I have become uncomfortable. 

"Cassie, my beloved- Take up your cross; become uncomfortable, challenge your thoughts and what you've known me to be all of your life. Uproot all of that so that I can give you new, refreshing life. When you become comfortable in Your relationship I will challenge You." 

This place of questioning is hard, but there is solace knowing the Lord is using this to conform me to His image. It's all in His time.