enough.

 "The greatest news of all is that God is with His people, that He is truly present. What greater ministry then, can be practiced than a ministry that reflects this divine presence?"  -Gracias! by Henri J.M. Nouwen

 

One of the things I have discovered about my self is that I am a performer to no end. I am a people pleaser and constantly feel like I have to perform: to be the best at everything. When I place too much upon myself, I fail. When I start listening to the voices telling me to perform, I stop listening to God. 

At that point, whatever happens isn't bringing glory to God. 

Let me explain how my brain works. 

Let's start out with what I call abiding. I will feel great about where I am in my walk with the Lord. I will feel good about my friendships with high school girls and where He is leading those relationships. Then, I will go a day or two without having time with God. I'll see something on facebook, or hear a comment said by a friend, and all of a sudden, my performance nature will kick in. I get the feeling like I'm not good enough. 

I feel like I am not good enough as I am. Not good enough for God to use me in the lives of high school girls. Not good enough to be wanted in my group of friends. I feel like a disappointment to those around me. I feel a need to change. 

Then I start doing things of myself, and not of the Lord. Whereas when I am abiding in what He wants for me, I do things as He leads. 

Pray for me friends, as I need to always remember that as a child of God, I am enough to do as he calls.