Lately, I've really been struggling in one area: faith. As hard as it is to admit to others, I think its even harder to admit to myself. As a Christian there are such high standards for living set forth by others as well as those I put upon myself. Having questions and doubts and fears has such a taboo attached to it that sometimes I'm afraid to admit it. 

What does scripture mean to me?

Where does it fit into my life... and the dreaded questions that many of us have asked at one point...

How do we know this is true?

I think this is where faith comes in. Trusting and believing that what the Lord says is good and true. 

It is HARD. Why should I lie?

Sometimes I question everything. And until very recently, I've tried not to acknowledge it. Because acknowledging that it exists makes it real. And in the effort to look like I have it all together, I don't want to add another struggle to that list. 

In particular, growing up in the church made it hard to ever question it. Though I KNOW without a doubt that a DID have a choice, growing up it did not seem that way. I went to church and I was a Christian. It was an effort to look put-together. 

Though I have been presented with some answers to my questions, I am still struggling to find that comfortable place. And then while reading about doubts, I find this article:

 http://www.patheos.com/blogs/peterenns/2011/10/why-it%E2%80%99s-good-to-doubt-god/

There were a couple things that really stood out to me:

1. Doubting is growing? WUT? No, not what I've always heard. 

"Doubt forces us to look at who we think God is."    

That it does. And in that, I would definitely say my understanding of who God is has grown. 

and my favorite:

2. God wants us to die to ourselves. 

 38"And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39"He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.

 

This truth of the word is so reassuring. In losing my comfort of trusting what I have always known, I have become uncomfortable. 

"Cassie, my beloved- Take up your cross; become uncomfortable, challenge your thoughts and what you've known me to be all of your life. Uproot all of that so that I can give you new, refreshing life. When you become comfortable in Your relationship I will challenge You." 

This place of questioning is hard, but there is solace knowing the Lord is using this to conform me to His image. It's all in His time.