unloved?

If you know me, you know one of my biggest struggles is not feeling wanted.
The smallest of things, unnoticed by others, can leave me a wreck.
I volunteer to help my roommate with something, and she says she doesn't need help but then someone else comes over and helps. It was a polite offer mostly, but my head immediately tells me I was refused because I wasn't good enough, not wanted.
So many little, unimportant things like that leave me in my room crying.
I have questioned myself over and over, why is this?

I haven't presented it to God. And I have wondered why is it so hard for me to do that?
Because I haven't presented my past family life to God. I keep waiting for God to heal my heart from the things that happened to me when I was little, but he hasn't because I haven't given him opportunity.

My mother gave me away when I was a baby. I wasn't wanted.
My dad wanted a boy. I wasn't wanted.

My dad let his ex-wife molest me and when I, at three years old, told him about it, he said I was lying and making it up. He wanted his ex-wife more than he did me.

I like to brush it under a rug and pretend it is all okay, when in reality, its not. It won't be until I can forgive them. I have so much hatred towards my parents. I have never given that up though I like to pretend I have.

I have wished many times that I were born into a different life, different family. One that cared and loved me.

My feelings of never being good enough, being unloved and wanted, I believe stem from my parents. Until I let God have that, they'll always be there.